Dating: Rules of Civility

We are living in a time when civility, diplomacy, and discretion are at an all time low. The fact is that the finer part of our natures wants to get along with others, and it is extremely important to be able to spend time with those whose opinions we do not share. This is especially true when it comes to dating and establishing new romantic or platonic friendships.

Elite Introductions & Matchmaking, LLC

People who are dating are those who have chosen to pursue new relationships. The process of dating gives individuals a chance to practice social skills that may or may not be used in everyday life, but should certainly be cultivated for social interaction. In other words, dating is good practice for making friends and for moving comfortably through the world. This includes knowing when certain subjects and behaviors are taboo or inappropriate for a social setting.

It is generally agreed that there are taboo subjects for the first three dates: ex-spouses (girl/boyfriends, lovers, etc.), politics, religion, finances (money in general), sex, and death. With ex’s, money and politics leading the pack, these subjects are taboo because they take the focus away from two people getting to know each other and place the spotlight on other people, places, and things. These subjects have the power to terminate a potential relationship before it starts because they remove the people present away from the moment.

Picture yourself getting all dressed up and excited about going to a lovely restaurant with someone who is new and potentially interested in you as a partner or friend. The stage is set for a wonderful evening. Now ask yourself these questions:
Who wants to hear about an evil ex or “irreplaceable” spouse who died of an insidious fatal disease?
Who wants to be bludgeoned by questions about political issues when the discussion will end in either an alienating argument or a heated agreement about something other than the people having dinner?
Who wants to hear about how much money someone makes or used to make before he/she was laid off, got divorced, lost all his/her money to his/her gambling (or any other kind of) addiction?
Who wants to be insulted for his/her own beliefs and hear about how a date is morally superior to others because of his/her devout beliefs.

The answer to these questions is NO ONE! That’s who.

In such a scenario, you are encouraged to talk about other subjects and enjoy the moment, the atmosphere, the dining experience, the wine, the music being played by the pianist in the lounge. Appropriate subjects are: travel, music, movies, history, hobbies, professions, art, literature, the animal kingdom, sports, how attractive your date looks, humor, theatre. The list is endless.

Believe it or not, if you can overcome defensiveness regarding avoidance of taboo subjects, there is still a world of things to discuss and a delightful memory to be made from an enjoyable evening with someone special.

Elite Introductions & Matchmaking, LLC

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What Women Need to Know About Men

He heard what you said. He’s just not interested in hearing it at the moment. Don’t try to give your man instructions or talk about your feelings when he’s watching TV (especially sports), eating, reading, or has just come home from work. He will only be half listening. His mind is on other things like: will his team win, his day at work, how hungry he is, etc. He can only pay attention to one thing at a time. If he lets you think that he is giving you his full attention, and then you will want to talk to him at these inappropriate moments all the time. If he gives you a detailed response, you’ll just continue to talk. If he completely ignores you, you’ll get mad. If he pretends that he is listening, you will be content and walk away.

He Does Look at Other Women

Not because he wants to cheat, but because men are visually stimulated. Getting mad at him for looking is just going to make him sneak a peek. Hey, it’s just a passing glance. It’s not like we don’t check guys out too!

He Needs Time Away From You

Men need time to reflect, socialize and just get away from it all. Men like the time to regroup. It doesn’t mean that they don’t want to be with us, it is just an escape to appreciate what they have at home. So lighten up, while he’s out of the house. Take that time for yourself, go out with your girlfriends, or do something you enjoy.

He Just Doesn’t Feel Like Being Bothered Sometimes

You’ve probably asked him to do something several times, but yet he still doesn’t do it in a timely manner. In frustration, you do it yourself. What is he thinking, “Thank Goodness!” Men do things at their own pace. Unlike women, men are not good at multi-tasking. You can ask your man to take out the trash and 3 hours later, it’s still there. Technically, he still has time to take out the trash. In his mind, the trash isn’t going anywhere anytime soon, and if you do it yourself, that just makes it better for him.

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The 5 Things Women Need from a Relationship – What Women Really Want

Lend a helping hand: As much as men hate being nagged, women equally hate nagging. Lending a helpful hand without being asked is one of the easiest ways to keep a relationship on neutral ground. Offering to wash the dishes, make dinner, or fold the laundry is a gesture that won’t go unnoticed. In many cases if you offer to do something your girl will tell not to worry about it anyway, but she’ll be happy that you offered. It’s all those little things that really pay off.

Show some respect: Women are always talking about wanting respect from the opposite sex, but unless you’re a women you can never really understand what this truly means. Women handle the bulk of the emotional labor in their relationships and yet they’re constantly faced with thoughtless and undignified comments, even when it’s unintentional. Women want to be respected for the work that they do, whether it be domestic or corporate. Women are master multitaskers and they’re frustratingly stubborn, but they’re also more emotional than men and sometimes they need a little reassurance that they’re respected for all that they do.

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Do You Have a Good Relationship Compatibility with Your Partner?

Believe it or not, your relationship compatibility determines whether your relationship will be a lifetime of love and happiness or a complete disaster.

Did you know that incompatibility between intimate partners contributes to 78% of break-ups and is at the core of most common relationship problems? It’s true!

Learn here about relationship compatibility and how to know who you’re compatible with.

First, you should know that romantic and marriage compatibility make life together much simpler.

Sure, opposites attract, but a stable relationship is based on similarity. www.OrlandoSingleProfessionals.com

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Don’t Discuss Politics

Political discussions are more intense than they have been in years. With the country divided, a war on, a president that is either loved or hated, political discussions are more dangerous to a new relationship than they ever have been.

Just 15 years ago people beginning to date didn’t concern themselves with the political affiliation of their dates. But these days politics is a hot button for many people and it can sink a new relationship faster than the iceberg did the Titanic. Yes, your heart will go on…but you may miss out on a great person just because you see things a little differently.

Serious ideological discussion are best left to later in a relationships when mutual respect and friendship will help you keep it all in perspective. Enjoy the season but skip the debate.

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Top 10 Dating Tips – Dating Tips and Advice for Singles

Whether you are new to the dating scene, are reentering the dating scene, or are a serial dater, you can use dating tips and advice. No one is a dating expert – even the most beautiful and wealthy people all struggle with matters of the heart. Everyone can learn something about how to date more, how to attract the types of people we want to attract, and how to make sure initial chemistry blooms into an enduring relationship.

The truth is, there are no magic formulas, no fail-proof tricks, no cunning ways of trapping Mr. or Miss Right. There are however some essential facts that you should always bear in mind along the way. Dating tips are just that — tips, not one-size-fits-all guarantees. Different tacks will work for different people. It depends on the situation, who we are, where we are in our lives, etc. However, there are some threads of advice that are fairly universal and can benefit anyone who practices them:

Top 10 Dating Tips

1. Get prepared for dating. If you really want to succeed in the dating game, be ready to commit to dating. Half-heartedness won’t work. In fact, it won’t even get you half-way. If you really want to date, put some effort into it. Do some research and think about what you want out of dating. Prepare yourself for the inevitable rejection we all face at some point in dating and commit not to give up.

2. Get your act together. Begin a regime of looking your best. Join a gym, read health magazines, get fit and start a diet. Get your hair cut or styled and begin a new regime of good grooming or beauty treatment. Though it will not find you a date in itself, you will feel a million times more confident about yourself, and others can sense that.

3. Go shopping and treat yourself to new clothes and even a whole new look. Get your image right, one that you can manage and live with, but one that flatters you. Don’t try to be someone you’re not, but amplify and accentuate your positives. Throw out those tired jeans, old sweaters or cardigans and spruce yourself up. Your date will appreciate that you demonstrated some effort.

4. Think about what you want to gain from dating and what timeframes you expect. Do you see yourself married within 2 years? If you do, then approach dating accordingly. If you are more laid back and don’t take dating too seriously then ask yourself some honest questions about why you are dating and what you hope to achieve. If it is purely sex then ask yourself if you are about to be honest with those you hope to date.

5. Surround yourself with people who will support your dating aims. By following the first four tips you will feel better and be more focused. Don’t sabotage this by sitting around with friends who are negative about love and relationships (often the married ones). Start attending social functions frequented by singles. Sitting alongside couples at dinner parties in suburbia is not necessarily where you need to be right now.

6. Choose those you have a good chance of dating. Be realistic. In other words, your dating is based on the whole package you present as well as just your personality. If you are looking for a glamour girl or boy and want to date someone trendy and gorgeous, great! Just know that others will expect you to be the same.

7. Join Dating services, matchmaking , societies, sports events, drama groups — anything that might help you meet like-minded potential partners. You will not meet people by staying indoors and playing video games – many have tried and failed at this approach. http://www.FriendsConnection.com

8. Take time off from dating occasionally if it’s not going well or causing dating fatigue. Recharging your batteries and keeping confidence and optimism levels high is an absolute must. We all hit rough patches, but don’t let your search for love become a death march. Date in phases if necessary.

9. Enjoy dating for what it is, dating. It is meeting people and socializing and spending time in the company of stimulating individuals who may or may not play a bigger part in your life down the road. The fact is, most people have something interesting to offer. While you may not be out on the dating scene looking for new friends, you may well find one or two fabulous people along the way.

10. Never make yourself too available. People like mystery and enigma and the thrill of the chase when dating. As part of keeping up the mystery, do not sleep with your dates early on. The longer a person is made to chase and fall for you within reason, the more likely that love may blossom. (And yes, this goes for both men AND women!) If the chemistry peaks too early, your emotions may never have time to catch up and the relationship will eventually wither away.

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Take A Different Approach

If you’ve felt like you’ve been in a long “dry spell” in your love life, getting no attention or having no success with men and you can’t figure out why – perhaps it’s simply time to consider changing your life with a new approach.

Imagine if you will the following: You’re single and loving it. You have a full life complete with good friends, a not-all-bad job, and your own place.

You haven’t had a boyfriend in a while but you’re not too worried. There’s plenty of time to figure that stuff out, and besides – although you know many women who are married and have been in a few weddings already, most of your closest friends haven’t found “the one” either.

One night your phone rings. It’s your best friend. “I have HUGE news!” she says. “I’m getting married!”

You’re stunned. You didn’t even know she was seriously dating anyone. http://www.OrlandoSingleProfessionals.com

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Dating Rules – Do’s and Don’ts

Dating Rules — Do’s

1. Do try to always look your best .  Looking messy gives the impression that you don’t care — and, if that’s the case, why go out with this person in the first place?

2. Do try to enjoy yourself on dates. Yes, finding your soul mate is serious business, and it can sometimes even be a scary endeavor, but keep in mind that this is supposed to be fun.

3. Do compliment your date on how he or she looks. Men and women tend to put a lot of effort into getting ready for a date, and it’s nice (and flattering) to hear that all that energy paid off.

4. Do be interested and interesting. Ask questions, share insights and pay attention when your date is telling you what they like to do, read, watch, listen to, etc.

5. Do tell someone directly if you’re not interested in seeing them again. Lying and stringing people along simply because you’re too scared to tell them the truth is selfish and hurtful. If you don’t want to go on another date with someone, let them down as gently — but firmly — as possible.

6. Do date only people you’re attracted to, no matter what your friends say. Approval by your peers doesn’t prove a thing.

7. Do stay positive, even when dates don’t end well. It is most certainly true that you will date a few frogs before you find a prince. Along the way, you will probably meet some pretty nice people.

8. Do plan ahead. Dating is a creative diversion that requires concentration and energy, so make arrangements ahead of time and let your date know you put some thought into the evening.

9. Do be proactive about finding people to date. The man or woman you’ve been searching for your whole life is probably not going to come ring your doorbell and beg you to go to dinner anytime soon. Dating requires action, so get out there and meet as many people as you can.

10. Do surround yourself with positive, like-minded people who are dating, too. Part of the fun of dating is celebrating, comparing notes and commiserating with your friends. Surround yourself with positive people who are rooting for you to succeed at love and will be there for you if/when you need emotional support.

Dating Rules — Don’ts

1. Don’t call, text message or email someone you’ve just started seeing more than once a day unless they reply (or in the event of an emergency). Desperation and instability are major turnoffs.

2. Don’t date the kind of people who’ve hurt you in the past. Many of us are attracted to people who are bad for us, but it’s important to break these patterns and seek out healthy relationships with matches who won’t demean you or make you feel bad about yourself in any way.

3. Don’t be late for a date. It’s just rude. If you have to change your plans, give the other person as much notice and consideration as possible. And always apologize.

4. Don’t lie to your date or about any aspect of your life, even if the truth isn’t as sexy or you’re worried they won’t like it. It would be awful to ruin a potentially life-changing relationship with your perfect match because of some silly lie you told early on to impress him or her.

5. Don’t be too available. We don’t mean you should play games, but if you’re free every night, you’re probably not taking care of yourself, pursuing your own interests and spending time with your friends — which means you’re probably not very interesting to talk to. People with full, exciting lives make the best dates.

6. Don’t give away too much about yourself at the beginning. Revealing your innermost secrets on the second date can lead to rejection. Don’t be scared to open up, but remember that getting to know someone takes time, and you should let your relationship evolve.

7. Don’t check out other people when you’re on a date. Ever. This is just tacky. You may think you are subtle, but while you’re scoping the cutie in the corner, your date will be heading for the door. Extend your partner the courtesy of concentrating solely on them while you’re with them.

8. Don’t be rude or get drunk on a date. Courtesy and manners will get you everywhere.

9. Don’t ignore your personal safety. Carry your cell phone and keep it charged — and make sure to tell your friends where you’re going and when you’ll be back. First dates should take place in well-lit public places. Don’t ever let yourself be coerced into going anywhere or doing anything that makes you uncomfortable.

10. Don’t give out personal information like your home phone number or address on the first date. Keep these details to yourself until you trust the person you’re dating.

11. Don’t have sex on a first date. If you like someone and are interested in getting to know them better (and possibly having a relationship), sex on a first date will likely ruin everything. It’s much too soon, it’s not romantic and it communicates to the other person that you’re more interested in their physical characteristics than in finding out who they are.

12. Never date a married person. Statistically, it is very unlikely that they will ever leave their husband or wife for you. Dating someone who’s married is the best way to serve yourself a heaping helping of misery, lies, deceit, sadness and heartache. If you are married, separate before dating. If you’re single, don’t be a shoulder to cry on — you deserve better. Go out and find someone who’s emotionally (and legally) available to you!

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The Beach: Style Rules: Florida

You are going to have to go to the beach at some stage, and even worse you are going to have to take your shirt off, unless you want to look like you are concealing something. If you want to meet girls on the sand then the very first thing you must do is GO TO THE GYM. I cannot say this more clearly, sort your body out. If you begin in April, 3 months of training will lead you into a confident packed July. Certainly you will feel a great deal better about yourself anyway as I know miracles don’t happen overnight.
Then I have to mention body hair. While amassing body hair as one gets older may be nature’s way of keeping us warm, a huge mountain of hair over your shoulders and back simply will not do. Women generally don’t find to attractive so lose it. Where do you lose it? Straight down to the waxing salon my friend. It may hurt, but only once every six weeks and girls have their legs waxed all the time so pull yourself together. Gyms often have an area that caters for waxing and if all else fails get your mom or sister (perhaps not your father!) to do it with a home waxing kit. It will take a few minutes and make a huge difference to your desirability factor.

Okay so once your body and hair cover are in good shape also consider a tanning salon for 3 sessions if you are pale. Going on the beach and being seen from outer space is not cool and neither do you want to waste a week or two of meeting time getting a tan. Get to a tanning center and a few sessions will ready the skin pigments for more rapid tanning ..

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Dating Rules for Women

The Do’s and Don’ts of dating for the modern female

Guys: If you don’t like this, look away now.

In another dating article  you will find a general set of rules than men should follow when dating. In the same way, women have some general rules that they should contend with when entering the dating jungle. Now I know everyone is different, so don’t take things too seriously here. There has been some controversy over some literature published in the USA that lays out in detail the rules a woman should follow to get her guy. Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider’s 1995 bestseller “The Rules,” explains how women should play hard if they want to get their guy.  The fact is that when we grow up, there are a predefined set of dating rules. What happens is that we forget most of them after the age of 21, and then realize we need to relearn them.

I wish there weren’t any general rules, but courtship is a ritual. There are things that we make happen that excite, stimulate, create interest and confound. Dating is a long test of compatibility. Are we perfectly matched? If we just threw ourselves together, then the chances of long term happiness might be compromised. And yet previous generations managed to succeed on a far less complex courtship criteria list. Many arranged marriages work all too interestingly.

In every society there are a predefined set of social rules we follow, from the way and timing of eating to the way we behave in public. The issue here is that when women date, there are some things that can help them be more successful. If we accept that dating is a game, then there are rules to that game. There are winners and losers. If you know the rules in advance, it gives you a head start. If men know the rules by which you are playing, you may change the rules to suit the situation to keep the man guessing. Men love a challenge, so feel free to adapt rules and add them as you feel inclined.

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General Dating Rules

  • Always look great, whatever your income. Gorgeous hair and some lipstick with rags will still turn his head. You have the advantage. You are the woman. Look your best as you could meet a potential Mr. Right anywhere at any time.
  • Never reveal information you don’t have to. An enigmatic woman drives men wild.
  • Keep dates brief, but your men interested. Less is always more.
  • Try and stay in shape and involve some fitness regime at a gym. However much you hate it, your Mr. Right loves your body as much as your mind.
  • Let your man pay. If he is interested, he is interested enough to ensure you eat well and get home safely in a cab.
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  • Never ever sleep with a guy until he has fallen for you. Sex early in your dating game plan will ruin everything.
  • Always keep a guy waiting and never turn up early. It is a lady’s prerogative.
  • Never be available when he wants you to be. Never be at the end of a phone when he calls and always let him leave a message or two first before replying.
  • If he is available Tuesday, you are available Thursday.
  • Weekend shopping trips with girlfriends are sacred and not available for dates.
  • Keep your man standing on quicksand by shifting landmarks and goalposts constantly.
  • Ensure you are a good kisser. Men will walk away if you cannot kiss. Practice on a mirror if you have to.
  • Never ever talk about previous boyfriends, particularly their prowess in the bedroom. Your ex-boyfriends are your business only.
  • Never assume anything about your date until you choose to know him better. You cannot always tell by looking.
  • If any man shows the slightest signs of possessiveness or insecurity, run like the wind. Life is too short for boys.
  • If his shoes or hygiene are a disgrace, dump him.
  • Never talk too much about your father and how your date measures up in comparison.
  • Never ever come across as too available or too desperate. He will run a mile. He is the one doing the chasing.
  • If the guy in the corner is gorgeous, go get him and create the need in him for you. Never wait for men to come to you because you may watch him leave with someone else.
  • You may well have all the bodily functions of a man, just try not to demonstrate them early on.
  • If you want a child, don’t mention it on the first few dates.
  • Never ever criticize his mother unless you want to remain single.

Elisabeth

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