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A First Date Is No Time For Interrogation

This advice is for both men and women. When dating someone, for the first few dates remember that this is a time to get to see someone in a positive light, and not to take a torch into the most private recesses of each other’s lives. On the first few dates there will be subjects that your partner simply does not want to talk about because that person does not know you very well. She/he does not know if you can keep confidences or even if they want to confide in you. Insisting on talking about sensitive subjects may bring up unpleasant memories and cause her or him to experience pain. They may be subjects that this person is trying to leave behind or are simply no one else’s business.

This is no time to keep pressing the issue. For example, if your date does not want to talk about an ex and a painful divorce, and you will not accept that request for privacy and keep asking questions about the issue, your date will eventually get angry or resentful and will relive the unpleasant and uncomfortable feelings that you evoked. The unpleasant feeling will then be associated with you, and the potential for a romance or even a friendship is shot because your date thinks that you are a person who likes to pry. This is especially true if your questions are rapid fire and turn an evening that was supposed to be an enjoyable experience into an interrogation. Also, do not try a new approach to fact-finding by saying, “well the subject doesn’t bother me,” and then continue to act as if your date should play therapist. That kind of thinking is courting disaster as well.

Trust our expertise here and realize that when your date says she/he does not want to talk about something; that is when it is time to exercise respect and diplomacy and change the subject. It takes courage to be open enough to say, “I don’t want to talk about that.” When such a comment (or one like it) is said, stop, focus on the place where you are right at that moment, and enjoy the rest of the evening. If you keep pressing and pressuring your date for more information only the desperate, twisted, or truly disturbed will stick around for more evenings with you.

To recap – When on a first date:

  • Do stay away from private subjects, especially previous relationships or other dating partners
  • Do change the subject if your date makes the request
  • Do concentrate on the experience at hand and try to stay in the moment
  • Do not interrogate your date about anything
  • Do not expect your date to play therapist

Again remember that you cannot go back to the beginning of any relationship and re-do a botched romance. Respect all personal boundaries regarding conversational connections. If your date looks like he/she is uncomfortable about a certain subject, or expresses discomfort in any way, let it go. The chances are that you have much in common with your date. Enjoy making a memory of the moment at hand, and above all – have fun! Elite Introductions & Matchmaking, LLC

For Men: Dating “Buzz Killers”

You have wanted to date this woman for a long time, and you are sharing your first evening together at a nice restaurant. You have that natural high that comes with good company, laughter and interesting conversation. You think you’re on a roll when you bring up your most recent travel adventure and include details of a shipboard affair. In an instant, the buzz fades into a flat vacuum of silence. Why? You just talked about one of the five top taboo dating subjects. Elite Introductions & Matchmaking LLC

Here they are:

Past conquests – Thinking that a woman appreciates being told about all the other woman you’ve been with is a sign of virility is a huge mistake – especially in this day and age of STD’s. If you’ve had sex with hundreds of woman, trust me, she will not be impressed in the least, and may not even hold hands with you when you leave the restaurant. Likewise, do not talk about your ex.

Money – Women think of a man who enjoys quiet prosperity as a guy with class. Talking about your financial affairs, salary, mortgage, your ostentatious lifestyle and exclusive neighborhood is very vulgar. Show her; don’t tell her about your wealth by “taking care” of the tab at a swank restaurant, or picking her up in an impressive automobile. Bragging about how much money you have will make you seem like a man who is compensating for something else.

Your ailments – If you launch into a festival of whining about his illnesses the moment a woman sits down at the table of the restaurant during your first dates, she is going to share the meal with you and figure out how to never see you again. The idea is to make a positive impression, not bore her with stories about your hernia operation five years ago. Ailments do not have to be hidden, just dealt with in a discrete and timely manner, otherwise you’ll come off as self-indulgent and incapable of interesting social conversation.

Your vices – Avoid talking about any of your unhealthy, degrading or immoral practices or habits such as chain smoking, binging on alcohol or food, and other sundried iniquities. Go positive and think of how you would introduce a dear friend to your date. If she is the gal you think she is, she’ll figure out your short-comings soon enough, but you must first get to a second date and impress her about your other special charms.

The future – Women are interested in knowing that a man is relationship minded, but beware that too much future talk too soon will make you seem needy and/or unbalanced. Do not come at her with baby names on the second date or she may run for the door. Reserve future talk for when you are in an established relationship.

Avoid these topics for your first few dates and everything should turn out in your favor.

Elite Introductions & Matchmaking LLC

For Women: Post Divorce Dating Blunders

It is surprising how many smart, attractive, and accomplished women who are socially savvy and still make dating blunders when on the first few dates of a potential relationship. Try, try, try to avoid these tops.

1. Your Ex – Do not bring up past mistreatment or that you did not stand up for yourself in your late marriage. The first dates are for showing your true self and inner strength, not to start a pity party that takes the attention from you and the man you’re with. Likewise, don’t put up with this from your date.

2. Your Kids – You love them and they are the center of your world, but the man you’re with is thinking that he might want to be in that spot. Focus on the moment and the company you are keeping. There will be time enough to talk about little Johnny’s food allergies later on down the road. For now, concentrate on the game at hand.
3. Your Job – If you love your job that’s great. Mention it briefly. If you dislike your job, think of how your date will see you if you start carping about how much you hate your job, your boss, or working conditions. You will not be seen in a good light, and that is what the first few dates are about.

4. Your Money – Keep your financial accomplishments or shortcomings to yourself when you are dating a man for the first time. Men who think of themselves as providers may be turned off by the fact that you don’t need any assistance from him, and men who are well-off might think you are looking to be rescued if you complain about financial lack. Also, men who are out to be “kept” may zero in on a situation that can be exploited. So mum’s the word until you understand each other’s motives.

5. Your Sexual Escapades – This is inappropriate on the first date. Unless you want to have sex with the man you are dating for the first time, do not bring up sex. Many men are uncomfortable about hearing about a woman’s list of lovers, so keep that information to yourself and concentrate on making the best first impression possible. Any man who is middle aged will understand that you have a sexual history, but keep it private until you have a closer relationship.

As a rule of thumb, ask yourself these questions before you start talking about a subject:

  • Will this subject keep the focus of the date on the two of us at this time?
  • Will this subject make a good impression of me?
  • Will this subject create tension or make the date go more smoothly?
  • Will this subject disclose too much information about me?

Understand also that there is no necessity to stick to a subject that a man wants to talk about if you are uncomfortable with that subject. Just tell him that you’d rather talk about it another time.

Brainstorming Your Relationship Expectations? by Elisabeth Dabbelt

Brainstorming Your Relationship Expectations

Take a moment and brainstorm on paper for a little bit; ten or fifteen minutes should do the trick nicely. Close your eyes and picture your ideal mate: what talents, qualities, personality traits, experiences and emotional capabilities do you want him or her to have? Don’t censor yourself, and let your mind wander to wherever it goes. If you’re having a hard time coming up with some ideas, think about your past relationships and use their positive aspects as your starting guide.

Next, write the number one next to all of the items you wrote that you feel are essential to your happiness, and a two next to the items that would be nice, but not necessary.

Ranking Your Relationship Expectations

Take all of the items marked with the number one, and list them in your own order of importance on a seperate sheet of paper. If this is hard (and for most people it is!) write each item on a small separate sticky note. Then, place each item in order of most important to least important on a wall or other large surface, and move the sticky notes around until you feel you’ve found the right combination.

Look at your top five items. These are the expectations you have for a quality relationship that you should never compromise on. Therefore, if you meet someone who you are extremely attracted to, but doesn’t have all five of the items you’ve listed on your must-have list – it’s time to move on.

Evolution is Necessary When it Comes to Relationship Expectations

Finally, realize that your relationship expectations will change and evolve over time. Don’t be scared to review your list and go through this exercise after every breakup as part of your preparations to date again or anytime you feel your relationship needs have changed. or anytime you feel your relationship needs have changed. Love is out there and here are some tips for finding love, romance, happiness and possibly marriage. 

Is He Really “Mr.Right”? by Elisabeth Dabbelt

He may look good, he may dress smart. But sometimes ‘Mr Right’ could turn into ‘Mr-Right-Only-For-Now’. Find out when that could happen.

He “forgets” to bring money on your first date.

He thinks you’ll be impressed when he tells you his ex-girlfriends were hot.

He’d had more jobs in the last few years than you have pair of shoes.

His idea of celebrating your birthday doesn’t involve you.

His mom calls to help patch things up and when you’re in a fight with him.

His idea of gourmet cooking is thawing a frozen pizza.

He picks you up for an 8 pm date… at 1 am.

You’re constantly making excuses for why he “really is” Mr Right when he’s really acting like a jerk.

Struggling to meet someone new? Following these simple yet insightful dating rules might be just be exactly what you need.

Love Yourself First

Have you ever noticed that happy people get more attention? And if you are happy with yourself, it shows. So in order to attract more people into your life for dating purposes, focus on the things that make you happy. Try writing a large piece of paper full of ideas that you can use in a pinch, such as taking a hot bath, going for a bike ride or filling your home with plants. Then, pick three items from this list every day with conscious effort, knowing that the time you take tending to increasing your own personal joy will increase the pull others feel to learn more about who you are.

Cut Ties To Your Ex

Although this dating rule may be contentious for some readers, it is still an important step in the dating process. Just like a spring cleaning clears your space of clutter and cobwebs, removing an ex still present in your life after a breakup can free you to meet someone new. Of course there are circumstances where this may not be possible – such as if you have children together or work in the same office. But whenever possible, you need to remove your ex from your personal life, even if it is only temporary.

 

There are a couple of significant mistakes that a lot of newly-single people make after a break up that prolong their pain and suffering. Follow these break up rules to assist you to find peace with the end of your relationship and avoid what not to do after a break up.After a Break Up Dont Remain “Just Friends

Accepting that your relationship is over is the very first step after a break up, and without this realization you’ll be hard pressed to move on. Now is the time for renewal, not hopes for reconciliation

Get to know yourself as a single person. Toe your lines of independence and find out what makes you happy again. Staying friends with your ex will only prolong the pain. Think of any interaction with your ex like an addiction – every single time you succumb, it’ll be that much harder to refuse later.

Move on. Let Elite Introductions help you find “Mr. Right”.