When we’re busy taking care of others, one of the very first things we neglect is taking care of ourselves. For many single moms and dads, this can lead to single parent burnout. To avoid this, take some time today to do something just for you. It doesn’t have to require a babysitter, and it doesn’t have to take up much of your time. The simple act of practicing intentional self care can help you avoid single parent burnout, help you feel stronger, restore your sense of peace, and fill you with hope for what lies ahead.
It is surprising how many smart, attractive, and accomplished women who are socially savvy and still make dating blunders when on the first few dates of a potential relationship. Try, try, try to avoid these tops.
1. Your Ex – Do not bring up past mistreatment or that you did not stand up for yourself in your late marriage. The first dates are for showing your true self and inner strength, not to start a pity party that takes the attention from you and the man you’re with. Likewise, don’t put up with this from your date.
2. Your Kids – You love them and they are the center of your world, but the man you’re with is thinking that he might want to be in that spot. Focus on the moment and the company you are keeping. There will be time enough to talk about little Johnny’s food allergies later on down the road. For now, concentrate on the game at hand.
3. Your Job – If you love your job that’s great. Mention it briefly. If you dislike your job, think of how your date will see you if you start carping about how much you hate your job, your boss, or working conditions. You will not be seen in a good light, and that is what the first few dates are about.
4. Your Money – Keep your financial accomplishments or shortcomings to yourself when you are dating a man for the first time. Men who think of themselves as providers may be turned off by the fact that you don’t need any assistance from him, and men who are well-off might think you are looking to be rescued if you complain about financial lack. Also, men who are out to be “kept” may zero in on a situation that can be exploited. So mum’s the word until you understand each other’s motives.
5. Your Sexual Escapades – This is inappropriate on the first date. Unless you want to have sex with the man you are dating for the first time, do not bring up sex. Many men are uncomfortable about hearing about a woman’s list of lovers, so keep that information to yourself and concentrate on making the best first impression possible. Any man who is middle aged will understand that you have a sexual history, but keep it private until you have a closer relationship.
As a rule of thumb, ask yourself these questions before you start talking about a subject:
- Will this subject keep the focus of the date on the two of us at this time?
- Will this subject make a good impression of me?
- Will this subject create tension or make the date go more smoothly?
- Will this subject disclose too much information about me?
Understand also that there is no necessity to stick to a subject that a man wants to talk about if you are uncomfortable with that subject. Just tell him that you’d rather talk about it another time.
Been looking for Mrs. or Mr. Right, we all have a fantasy ideal in mind: tall, dark and handsome, a movie star body with a Pulitzer Prize winner’s brain or another variation that suits you perfectly.
There’s nothing wrong with these kinds of pedestals, either. Fantasizing about your dream mate will only help you to discover more of what you want and need in a relationship. But where do you draw the line between fantasy and reality? When do you know your relationship expectations aren’t realistic?
Your relationship expectations may be unreasonable if…
- You have specific requirements regarding your potential mate’s height, weight, and/or appearance that aren’t negotiable under any circumstances;
- You refuse to date anyone unless they make a certain amount of money;
- You won’t date someone who lives further than a quick drive away;
- Anyone without similar interests as you is out of the question; and/or
- You require a person to trust you and open up to you immediately.
YOUR RELATIONSHIP EXPECTATIONS ARE PROBABLY REASONABLE IF…
- A spark of some sorts is required, whether it’s mental, physical or emotional;
- You want someone who finds you amusing, adorable, and/or exciting;
- You are holding out for someone whose basic views on the world are similar, but not necessarily identical to yours; and/or
- Someone with the same willingness to be in a relationship and with similar long-term dating goals, whether that’s for casual dating, cohabitation or a committed marriage.
So what are you to do if you don’t know what your expectations for a relationship are – or worse – some of your expectations fall into the no-no category? Call me, Elisabeth, at (407) 671-8300 or visithttp://orlandosingleprofessional.com.
Secrets act as blocks to intimacy and very often, they do get out, thus undermining trust in the relationship. If you have an issue from your past , the best is for you to put it out there and deal with it in the context of your relationship rather than go for crisis control after.
Secrets are very personal, charged with emotions and feelings, usually not easy to share or it would be no secret. So the secret keeper will deliver the message with the negative charge that comes along with secrecy. Therefore, the listener may not “hear” the secret exactly.
By loving each other, respect, consideration, empathy, support, intimacy, all comes with the territory. The person feels comfortable talking about memories, emotions, feelings, trusting the relationship. Hence, things will come up naturally.
When a relationship is not about owning the other and when it is about giving and you relish the joy of giving, then unconditional love is possible and perhaps also practical.
When you enjoy the very act of giving, you don’t need to expect anything in return.
When you have expectations from the other in return to your love, it is the beginning of the conflict. Then you start wanting to control the other and no one enjoys being controlled.
Unconditional love is about giving freedom to your loved ones from your own wants and needs. Of course you are still responsible for your own wants and needs, but you don’t have to hold others responsible for them, especially those whom you love.