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Over 40

The phrase Life begins at 40 was coined by American psychologist Walter Pitkin in his 1932 book where he confidently stated ‘Life begins at forty. This is the revolutionary outcome of our New Era. Today it is a half truth. Tomorrow it will be an axiom’. It goes without saying; he was definitely onto something not only in the terms of how we generally now view or lifecycles, but also how our dating habits have and are still changing.

Dating over 40 is not only considered a norm in society but is also arguably the best time to date! Most of us have played the dating game and this should not be taken as a disadvantage but the very opposite – We know what we want and we won’t settle for anything less. Saying this our potential dating partners are in exactly the same boat and therefore there is already a line of trust, openness and honesty that suggests we won’t be wasting time in the wrong relationships. We have that advantage – so why not use it!

For Men: Dating “Buzz Killers”

You have wanted to date this woman for a long time, and you are sharing your first evening together at a nice restaurant. You have that natural high that comes with good company, laughter and interesting conversation. You think you’re on a roll when you bring up your most recent travel adventure and include details of a shipboard affair. In an instant, the buzz fades into a flat vacuum of silence. Why? You just talked about one of the five top taboo dating subjects. Elite Introductions & Matchmaking LLC

Here they are:

Past conquests – Thinking that a woman appreciates being told about all the other woman you’ve been with is a sign of virility is a huge mistake – especially in this day and age of STD’s. If you’ve had sex with hundreds of woman, trust me, she will not be impressed in the least, and may not even hold hands with you when you leave the restaurant. Likewise, do not talk about your ex.

Money – Women think of a man who enjoys quiet prosperity as a guy with class. Talking about your financial affairs, salary, mortgage, your ostentatious lifestyle and exclusive neighborhood is very vulgar. Show her; don’t tell her about your wealth by “taking care” of the tab at a swank restaurant, or picking her up in an impressive automobile. Bragging about how much money you have will make you seem like a man who is compensating for something else.

Your ailments – If you launch into a festival of whining about his illnesses the moment a woman sits down at the table of the restaurant during your first dates, she is going to share the meal with you and figure out how to never see you again. The idea is to make a positive impression, not bore her with stories about your hernia operation five years ago. Ailments do not have to be hidden, just dealt with in a discrete and timely manner, otherwise you’ll come off as self-indulgent and incapable of interesting social conversation.

Your vices – Avoid talking about any of your unhealthy, degrading or immoral practices or habits such as chain smoking, binging on alcohol or food, and other sundried iniquities. Go positive and think of how you would introduce a dear friend to your date. If she is the gal you think she is, she’ll figure out your short-comings soon enough, but you must first get to a second date and impress her about your other special charms.

The future – Women are interested in knowing that a man is relationship minded, but beware that too much future talk too soon will make you seem needy and/or unbalanced. Do not come at her with baby names on the second date or she may run for the door. Reserve future talk for when you are in an established relationship.

Avoid these topics for your first few dates and everything should turn out in your favor.

Elite Introductions & Matchmaking LLC

Dating & Religion

Before we start, understand that this article is about any religion and pertains to any combination of people on the dating scene.

Of all the subjects that can set fire to otherwise pleasant evening, religion is perhaps the most incendiary. Therefore, understand that personal belief systems in terms of religion are a taboo subject for polite conversation when on the first few dates with someone.

If you have ever studied history, you must realize that many, many wars and untold sufferings have plagued the world because of this very subject. Prejudices from every angle of the human philosophical spectrum are causing difficulties throughout the world even as this article is being written. Do not bring this kind of conflict into a first date with someone.

The reason the subject of religion is taboo for polite dating conversation is very clear. At best, the subject of religion takes precedence over all other subjects at hand and takes the focus away from the two people involved in the date. That focus is necessary for the two parties to understand and nurture each other’s individual personalities.

The purpose of dating is not to create a venue to debate about opposing religious beliefs or get into an argument about the subtle nuances of a shared religious path. The object of dating is for you to have a fun and enjoyable time, get to know someone as an individual person, and perhaps cultivate a partnership or friendship.

Some religious leaders (clergy) require that their members ask certain questions before a date begins and if that is the case with you then ask the questions. Do not press for the answers you want, judge your date, or abruptly end the evening if you have asked questions and do not like the answers. You were attracted to the person before he/she was asked these questions, and you would be an unfortunate person if you were unable to spend an evening with someone whose religion or philosophical path did not match your own. This is not a marriage, it is a date.

If you are of a belief system that demands a religiously matched partner, and you are with someone of the same faith, then you should still avoid the subject of religion because there are differing ways of approaching the same religion. You do not want the dating experience to become a contest as to who is the more devout.

Whether with someone of an opposing religious path from your own, or with someone of the same faith, concentrate the focus of your date on learning about the person you are with. It is important to really get to know each other to share commonalities such as humor, or the enjoyment of a certain genre of literature, film, or travel styles.

One thing that all religions have in common is the ideals of goodness and kindness in the path of humanity. If you apply those values to dating and focus on the person you are with, that goodness will be reflected in a fun time and an enjoyable evening.

Brainstorming Your Relationship Expectations? by Elisabeth Dabbelt

Brainstorming Your Relationship Expectations

Take a moment and brainstorm on paper for a little bit; ten or fifteen minutes should do the trick nicely. Close your eyes and picture your ideal mate: what talents, qualities, personality traits, experiences and emotional capabilities do you want him or her to have? Don’t censor yourself, and let your mind wander to wherever it goes. If you’re having a hard time coming up with some ideas, think about your past relationships and use their positive aspects as your starting guide.

Next, write the number one next to all of the items you wrote that you feel are essential to your happiness, and a two next to the items that would be nice, but not necessary.

Ranking Your Relationship Expectations

Take all of the items marked with the number one, and list them in your own order of importance on a seperate sheet of paper. If this is hard (and for most people it is!) write each item on a small separate sticky note. Then, place each item in order of most important to least important on a wall or other large surface, and move the sticky notes around until you feel you’ve found the right combination.

Look at your top five items. These are the expectations you have for a quality relationship that you should never compromise on. Therefore, if you meet someone who you are extremely attracted to, but doesn’t have all five of the items you’ve listed on your must-have list – it’s time to move on.

Evolution is Necessary When it Comes to Relationship Expectations

Finally, realize that your relationship expectations will change and evolve over time. Don’t be scared to review your list and go through this exercise after every breakup as part of your preparations to date again or anytime you feel your relationship needs have changed. or anytime you feel your relationship needs have changed. Love is out there and here are some tips for finding love, romance, happiness and possibly marriage. 

Still Looking For Mrs. or Mr. Right- Know When your Relationship Expectations Are Not Realistic

Been looking for Mrs. or Mr. Right, we all have a fantasy ideal in mind: tall, dark and handsome, a movie star body with a Pulitzer Prize winner’s brain or another variation that suits you perfectly.

There’s nothing wrong with these kinds of pedestals, either. Fantasizing about your dream mate will only help you to discover more of what you want and need in a relationship. But where do you draw the line between fantasy and reality? When do you know your relationship expectations aren’t realistic?

Your relationship expectations may be unreasonable if…

  • You have specific requirements regarding your potential mate’s height, weight, and/or appearance that aren’t negotiable under any circumstances;
  • You refuse to date anyone unless they make a certain amount of money;
  • You won’t date someone who lives further than a quick drive away;
  • Anyone without similar interests as you is out of the question; and/or
  • You require a person to trust you and open up to you immediately.

YOUR RELATIONSHIP EXPECTATIONS ARE PROBABLY REASONABLE IF…

  • A spark of some sorts is required, whether it’s mental, physical or emotional;
  • You want someone who finds you amusing, adorable, and/or exciting;
  • You are holding out for someone whose basic views on the world are similar, but not necessarily identical to yours; and/or
  • Someone with the same willingness to be in a relationship and with similar long-term dating goals, whether that’s for casual dating, cohabitation or a committed marriage.

So what are you to do if you don’t know what your expectations for a relationship are – or worse – some of your expectations fall into the no-no category? Call me, Elisabeth, at (407) 671-8300 or visithttps://orlandosingleprofessional.com.