Dating & Religion

Before we start, understand that this article is about any religion and pertains to any combination of people on the dating scene.

Of all the subjects that can set fire to otherwise pleasant evening, religion is perhaps the most incendiary. Therefore, understand that personal belief systems in terms of religion are a taboo subject for polite conversation when on the first few dates with someone.

If you have ever studied history, you must realize that many, many wars and untold sufferings have plagued the world because of this very subject. Prejudices from every angle of the human philosophical spectrum are causing difficulties throughout the world even as this article is being written. Do not bring this kind of conflict into a first date with someone.

The reason the subject of religion is taboo for polite dating conversation is very clear. At best, the subject of religion takes precedence over all other subjects at hand and takes the focus away from the two people involved in the date. That focus is necessary for the two parties to understand and nurture each other’s individual personalities.

The purpose of dating is not to create a venue to debate about opposing religious beliefs or get into an argument about the subtle nuances of a shared religious path. The object of dating is for you to have a fun and enjoyable time, get to know someone as an individual person, and perhaps cultivate a partnership or friendship.

Some religious leaders (clergy) require that their members ask certain questions before a date begins and if that is the case with you then ask the questions. Do not press for the answers you want, judge your date, or abruptly end the evening if you have asked questions and do not like the answers. You were attracted to the person before he/she was asked these questions, and you would be an unfortunate person if you were unable to spend an evening with someone whose religion or philosophical path did not match your own. This is not a marriage, it is a date.

If you are of a belief system that demands a religiously matched partner, and you are with someone of the same faith, then you should still avoid the subject of religion because there are differing ways of approaching the same religion. You do not want the dating experience to become a contest as to who is the more devout.

Whether with someone of an opposing religious path from your own, or with someone of the same faith, concentrate the focus of your date on learning about the person you are with. It is important to really get to know each other to share commonalities such as humor, or the enjoyment of a certain genre of literature, film, or travel styles.

One thing that all religions have in common is the ideals of goodness and kindness in the path of humanity. If you apply those values to dating and focus on the person you are with, that goodness will be reflected in a fun time and an enjoyable evening.

For Women: Post Divorce Dating Blunders

It is surprising how many smart, attractive, and accomplished women who are socially savvy and still make dating blunders when on the first few dates of a potential relationship. Try, try, try to avoid these tops.

1. Your Ex – Do not bring up past mistreatment or that you did not stand up for yourself in your late marriage. The first dates are for showing your true self and inner strength, not to start a pity party that takes the attention from you and the man you’re with. Likewise, don’t put up with this from your date.

2. Your Kids – You love them and they are the center of your world, but the man you’re with is thinking that he might want to be in that spot. Focus on the moment and the company you are keeping. There will be time enough to talk about little Johnny’s food allergies later on down the road. For now, concentrate on the game at hand.
3. Your Job – If you love your job that’s great. Mention it briefly. If you dislike your job, think of how your date will see you if you start carping about how much you hate your job, your boss, or working conditions. You will not be seen in a good light, and that is what the first few dates are about.

4. Your Money – Keep your financial accomplishments or shortcomings to yourself when you are dating a man for the first time. Men who think of themselves as providers may be turned off by the fact that you don’t need any assistance from him, and men who are well-off might think you are looking to be rescued if you complain about financial lack. Also, men who are out to be “kept” may zero in on a situation that can be exploited. So mum’s the word until you understand each other’s motives.

5. Your Sexual Escapades – This is inappropriate on the first date. Unless you want to have sex with the man you are dating for the first time, do not bring up sex. Many men are uncomfortable about hearing about a woman’s list of lovers, so keep that information to yourself and concentrate on making the best first impression possible. Any man who is middle aged will understand that you have a sexual history, but keep it private until you have a closer relationship.

As a rule of thumb, ask yourself these questions before you start talking about a subject:

  • Will this subject keep the focus of the date on the two of us at this time?
  • Will this subject make a good impression of me?
  • Will this subject create tension or make the date go more smoothly?
  • Will this subject disclose too much information about me?

Understand also that there is no necessity to stick to a subject that a man wants to talk about if you are uncomfortable with that subject. Just tell him that you’d rather talk about it another time.

Brainstorming Your Relationship Expectations? by Elisabeth Dabbelt

Brainstorming Your Relationship Expectations

Take a moment and brainstorm on paper for a little bit; ten or fifteen minutes should do the trick nicely. Close your eyes and picture your ideal mate: what talents, qualities, personality traits, experiences and emotional capabilities do you want him or her to have? Don’t censor yourself, and let your mind wander to wherever it goes. If you’re having a hard time coming up with some ideas, think about your past relationships and use their positive aspects as your starting guide.

Next, write the number one next to all of the items you wrote that you feel are essential to your happiness, and a two next to the items that would be nice, but not necessary.

Ranking Your Relationship Expectations

Take all of the items marked with the number one, and list them in your own order of importance on a seperate sheet of paper. If this is hard (and for most people it is!) write each item on a small separate sticky note. Then, place each item in order of most important to least important on a wall or other large surface, and move the sticky notes around until you feel you’ve found the right combination.

Look at your top five items. These are the expectations you have for a quality relationship that you should never compromise on. Therefore, if you meet someone who you are extremely attracted to, but doesn’t have all five of the items you’ve listed on your must-have list – it’s time to move on.

Evolution is Necessary When it Comes to Relationship Expectations

Finally, realize that your relationship expectations will change and evolve over time. Don’t be scared to review your list and go through this exercise after every breakup as part of your preparations to date again or anytime you feel your relationship needs have changed. or anytime you feel your relationship needs have changed. Love is out there and here are some tips for finding love, romance, happiness and possibly marriage. 

Is He Really “Mr.Right”? by Elisabeth Dabbelt

He may look good, he may dress smart. But sometimes ‘Mr Right’ could turn into ‘Mr-Right-Only-For-Now’. Find out when that could happen.

He “forgets” to bring money on your first date.

He thinks you’ll be impressed when he tells you his ex-girlfriends were hot.

He’d had more jobs in the last few years than you have pair of shoes.

His idea of celebrating your birthday doesn’t involve you.

His mom calls to help patch things up and when you’re in a fight with him.

His idea of gourmet cooking is thawing a frozen pizza.

He picks you up for an 8 pm date… at 1 am.

You’re constantly making excuses for why he “really is” Mr Right when he’s really acting like a jerk.

Struggling to meet someone new? Following these simple yet insightful dating rules might be just be exactly what you need.

Love Yourself First

Have you ever noticed that happy people get more attention? And if you are happy with yourself, it shows. So in order to attract more people into your life for dating purposes, focus on the things that make you happy. Try writing a large piece of paper full of ideas that you can use in a pinch, such as taking a hot bath, going for a bike ride or filling your home with plants. Then, pick three items from this list every day with conscious effort, knowing that the time you take tending to increasing your own personal joy will increase the pull others feel to learn more about who you are.

Cut Ties To Your Ex

Although this dating rule may be contentious for some readers, it is still an important step in the dating process. Just like a spring cleaning clears your space of clutter and cobwebs, removing an ex still present in your life after a breakup can free you to meet someone new. Of course there are circumstances where this may not be possible – such as if you have children together or work in the same office. But whenever possible, you need to remove your ex from your personal life, even if it is only temporary.

 

There are a couple of significant mistakes that a lot of newly-single people make after a break up that prolong their pain and suffering. Follow these break up rules to assist you to find peace with the end of your relationship and avoid what not to do after a break up.After a Break Up Dont Remain “Just Friends

Accepting that your relationship is over is the very first step after a break up, and without this realization you’ll be hard pressed to move on. Now is the time for renewal, not hopes for reconciliation

Get to know yourself as a single person. Toe your lines of independence and find out what makes you happy again. Staying friends with your ex will only prolong the pain. Think of any interaction with your ex like an addiction – every single time you succumb, it’ll be that much harder to refuse later.

Move on. Let Elite Introductions help you find “Mr. Right”.

Still Looking For Mrs. or Mr. Right- Know When your Relationship Expectations Are Not Realistic

Been looking for Mrs. or Mr. Right, we all have a fantasy ideal in mind: tall, dark and handsome, a movie star body with a Pulitzer Prize winner’s brain or another variation that suits you perfectly.

There’s nothing wrong with these kinds of pedestals, either. Fantasizing about your dream mate will only help you to discover more of what you want and need in a relationship. But where do you draw the line between fantasy and reality? When do you know your relationship expectations aren’t realistic?

Your relationship expectations may be unreasonable if…

  • You have specific requirements regarding your potential mate’s height, weight, and/or appearance that aren’t negotiable under any circumstances;
  • You refuse to date anyone unless they make a certain amount of money;
  • You won’t date someone who lives further than a quick drive away;
  • Anyone without similar interests as you is out of the question; and/or
  • You require a person to trust you and open up to you immediately.

YOUR RELATIONSHIP EXPECTATIONS ARE PROBABLY REASONABLE IF…

  • A spark of some sorts is required, whether it’s mental, physical or emotional;
  • You want someone who finds you amusing, adorable, and/or exciting;
  • You are holding out for someone whose basic views on the world are similar, but not necessarily identical to yours; and/or
  • Someone with the same willingness to be in a relationship and with similar long-term dating goals, whether that’s for casual dating, cohabitation or a committed marriage.

So what are you to do if you don’t know what your expectations for a relationship are – or worse – some of your expectations fall into the no-no category? Call me, Elisabeth, at (407) 671-8300 or visithttps://orlandosingleprofessional.com.